The 147TH episode of Seinfeld and originally aired April 24, 1997
I went to the dentist yesterday and my teeth are doing great. Considering my parents spent a few grand on them when I was a kid I’m happy to report they are getting their money’s worth.
I don’t like dentists but I’m no anti-dentite. The minute you get there you sit and wait but that is common for any doctor. Why can’t they stick to the schedule? I mean anybody can make a reservation, but it is holding the reservation that is important, yep another Seinfeld reference. Anyway, when they finally call me in they put me on this real comfortable chair, I wish I had on at home, you are almost upside down for 40+ minutes with blood rushing to your head. While lying there you have a bright light in your eyes while this young girl starts digging around in your mouth, she told me I have great gum pockets! Sounds gross but I guess that is a good thing! Next, she starts scraping around with this metal poker, now I swear to god that is the same device my grandparents used to break apart walnuts and scrape the nut out of the shell. All that is before! The cleaning starts.
The dental hygienist, I want to be sure I have that title correct, you know how scratchy people get about their titles, puts this towel on my chest. The cleaning starts with what appears to be a power washer strong enough to do your driveway and a small vacuum hanging out of your mother to catch all the water and crap. My face is wet, the towel is wet, and she is just working around my mouth. Did I mention she looks down on you with a welder’s mask and binoculars for eyepieces? She looks a bit like Darth Vadar.
Now there are a few sensitive spots on some teeth, not sure why maybe age who knows? When you hit one it is not pleasant and of course, she hit one! That made little Kevin shrivel up like a frightened turtle and jump. Now I think at this point a question from the dental hygienist “did I hit a sensitive spot” kind of speaks for itself. Ahh yea, you did. But she is right back at it because she is tenacious and wants every spot clean, I’m ok with almost clean. We next move on to the polishing, thank god that takes 2-3 minutes. I rinse and I’m done. The sitting up is not great with all the blood rushing out of your head but we get there.
Now the big guy comes in, the actual dentist. I want to know why I pay top dollar for dental coverage and I don’t get the top guy from the start? Shouldn’t my dental coverage be cheaper if I see the hygienist? So the dentist looks around and a few pokes with the walnut tool and say’s everything looks good but I need a crown on my back tooth, that will be 500.00 bucks. I don’t like spending money on things that are not broke but apparently, that tooth could break and it is better to do it sooner rather than later. 6 months from now I get to do this again for two hours, the crown, the cleaning, and out 500.00 bucks. I’m no anti dentite but I hate going to the dentist.