Anything Goes

I Hate Going To The Doctor

I hate going to the doctor, just like I hate going to the dentist, Today is a good indication that I’m getting older and scratchy. I had two doctor appointments on the same day, that is a first for me and it must be the gateway to old age. I left the house at 8 and arrived home at noon, Jesus that is four hours of waiting and prodding for nothing, in my opinion.

My day started with the gastro guy, shouldn’t the day end with him since I will be taking it in the end? At 56 it is time for a colonoscopy. I have no problems in this area. I’m as regular as old faithful. Not quite as frequent but spot-on regular. I feel quite good but apparently, these rules are in place, you must have one by age 50. Today was nothing special, they actually call it a meet and greet. If you’re going to snake my drain some pleasantries are in order. You would think the doctor would be on time. I had to wait 40 minutes and that was after filling out multiple forms. Today it is an event where they crawl up your arse with paperwork, no pun intended. I should have pulled the Morty Seinfeld, walked out into the hall in my boxers screaming “my wallets gone, my wallets gone” Anyway, he did the usual; checked my breathing, heart, stomach and then he described the procedure. I will go to sleep and a digital camera will go up my arse to take some scenery shots, I hope I get to keep the photos. However, prior to that, I get my choice of fruit punch or mango for my colon cleanse. I said the chipotle bowl works just as good if that is an option, laughter was had by all. Lastly, I got to sit down with Serge to schedule my test. I like that, a test, almost like you can study for it. No food the day before, take your “cleanse” crap your brains out, wait 5 hours prior to the procedure and cleanse again. This is to be sure there is no dirt on the trail that could smudge the photos.

The next stop was the arthritis doc. Yep, I have arthritis, see I’m an old guy. The doctor just reviews my meds, I take cosentyx because I have psoriatic arthritis. I’m doing great. However, again 40 minutes late to see this doctor. Can’t anybody keep a schedule anymore? The first thing the doctor tells me, she is leaving the practice. I shit you not (no this is not a segue) back to the ass doctor. This is the second doctor in 6 months that I have had at this practice and both have left. Maybe it is me? It is also the fourth doctor in the last 1.5 years. I just can’t find one I can keep. 

On the way home, I stopped at Wendys for the triple, large fries, and a diet coke. Yes diet coke, I am trying to keep my weight down and control my sugar. I don’t want to have to go to the doctor. I think I will go take a nap.

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