It is a terrible thought, but it creeps into my head at night when I can’t sleep, I’m worth more dead than alive. It is basic math. I know my family will miss me, but people do die all the time and life goes on, in fact, death is part of life. I’m not sick, I generally feel ok other than higher than normal daily aches and pains due to my arthritis, but I am not sick nor am I dying. I’m just worth more dead than alive. In fact, so much more it will solve my biggest problem, my crushing debt over financing my daughter’s college education. Of course, that means I need to kick the old bucket while employed, I’m insured to the hilt. It cost me about 1000.00 a month in student loans. The funny part is I have no way of working another 20 years never mind living another 20 years to ever see this debit paid, and that is another thought that keeps me up, saddling my daughter with that obligation.
I have a great job; it treats me well and I’m paid very well, not one complaint. However, I am 56, with any luck I will be able to stay employed another 7-8 years. I’m not sure if I will be relevant once into my 60’s and I’m pretty sure the daily grind and stress will kill me. Well, at least that will solve my problem.
It is strange knowing no matter the day, month or year I know exactly where every penny is going. It is not like I can say in 5 years that debt will be gone then I can retire. I will never retire. Financially it is impossible. I could not cover this debt without this income and more than likely I will default at some point. My only options really are working well past retirement, if possible and of course, dying. That sounds so grim, doesn’t it? It is a reality.
You would think I would support all that loan forgiveness nonsense some of the candidates are touting, I’m not. I signed for the debt and it should be paid. I just don’t think the government should be in the loan shark business charging me 6% or better. If they made a buck, I’m good with that, maybe 1% and keeping my current donation to these loan sharks will cover my nut in 7 years. It gives me a fighting chance. It also makes we worth more alive than dead, everybody gets their money back, I get to keep my social security, something the government will take if I default and I can have an actual shot to retire. Maybe actually enjoy a bit of life in old age before I do die.
Maybe I should just use the George Costanza approach and start a fund “The Human Fund” Money for people. You can make a small donation in my name🤣🤣🤣. This is all true, but it is, of course, a bit in jest, I don’t want to die, or should I say die anytime soon. I would love for this problem to be solved and have this monkey off my back. I really do want to retire at some point, sooner rather than later and have some time to enjoy it. I’m not looking to travel the world. I would like to just enjoy a good book, write this blog, sit on the beach with a coffee and spend some time with my wife and family. I don’t think that is asking too much.