Reading Time: 4 minutes

The Scene

Kramer does his power slide into Jerry’s apartment, where he acknowledges everybody.

“Helloooo!”

Jerry, Elaine, Mr. Weatherby. Who wants to have some fun? I booked us all on a two-day cruise of the Bahamas. It leaves tomorrow.

Jerry: Kramer, that’s fantastic! How can you afford it?

Kramer: Special deal from my friend Bob Sacamano. He is a travel agent now, and he got me great prices. They just needed to fill the last four rooms. I got them for almost nothing.

George: Wait a minute. Isn’t he the guy that gave you the defective condoms? The colored defective condoms?

Kramer: Stop it, George. That was an innocent mistake, and as I recall, you had a pleasurable evening with them, my portly little friend.

Elaine: Well, I’m in. Maybe somebody will be sponge-worthy on the boat.

Kramer: Then it’s settled. We meet at the pier tomorrow, 6:00 a.m. sharp. Jerry, I will need to borrow your bathing suit.

Jerry: Bathing suit? Why? Don’t you have your own? I don’t want your boys down there!

Kramer: Come on. Please, please, please. I’m begging you

Jerry: Well ok

Kramer: Giddy up!

The cruise terminal and the information Kramer missed. The big sign at the pier.

Welcome Aboard the LGBTQ Cruise to the Bahamas

George: “George is getting upset.”

Jerry: Kramer, did you look at the brochure? Did Bob mention this?

Kramer: What? What’s the problem?

Kramer does his spin and classic “Whoa!” then…

Kramer: Come, buddy. Let’s make the best of it.

Elaine: I guess there will be sponge-worthy guys here, but I will not get to use them.

Jerry, Elaine, and George unload their bags and head out to enjoy the cruise and make the best of it.

Elaine: Anybody see Kramer?

Jerry: Look over there.

Kramer is leading a conga line to “YMCA” around the Lido deck.

Passenger Manny: Hi, George. How would you like a massage? It’s all free.

George: Ahh, how did you know my name?

Jerry: George, it’s on your name tag. It was Kramer’s idea.

Jerry: You know, just because you think a man is handsome does not make you gay.

George: It does not help.

Kramer grabs Elaine to join the conga line.

Passenger Sidra winks at Elaine and says, “They’re real, and they’re spectacular.”

As day one ends, Jerry and George are having dinner with the all-female revue music group. George is unaware they are men and thinks he is actually doing well with the female attention. Jerry just goes along with it, smiling. Maybe the opposite is true.

Kramer is in his cabin and gave in to temptation with Steve. He is out of the contest and no longer master of his domain. Elaine can be seen with Mike. She thinks she can flip him, even with limited access to the equipment. She can be heard saying, “Fake, fake, fake, fake.”

Day two begins with a stroll around the main deck.

George: Dad! What are you doing here?

Frank: Hello, George. I got my cabana wear back from Rudy. Your mother and I will be trying an alternative lifestyle.

George: That’s it. Worlds are colliding. I’m going for a swim.

George climbs out of the pool and starts drying off.

Passenger Tim Whatley winks and gives George a little smirk.

George: I was in the pool!

Elaine: They shrink?

Jerry: Like A frightened turtle

Elaine: I don’t know how you guys walk around with those things. I’m going for a walk with Sidra.

Elaine: Sidra, I’m having the best time. I knew Jerry was not right for you.

Jerry: What happened to Steve?

Elaine: He took the sponge and started cleaning. I think I have my best shot with Sidra.

Kramer walks by and does a double take, then spins in amazement.

Elaine: What? Kramer, what’s wrong with you?

Kramer: Is that a nipple?

Sidra smiles.

Newman runs by with a plate piled high with food from the buffet. Everybody is surprised to see him.

Estelle almost faints when she sees George. Sid Farkas, the bra salesman, catches her. Frank is angry.

Frank: That’s my move. Hmm… I stopped short.

Sid Farkas: Frank, you need the Manzier.

The end, at least George thought…

George finally thinks the cruise is over.

George: “Thank God, I’m never going on another cruise.”

The captain comes over the PA.

“Attention passengers. Due to rough seas, we’ve extended the cruise by three more days.”

George simply screams.

Kramer hangs up his phone.

Jerry: Who was that?

Kramer: Bob Sacamano. He wanted to know how the cruise was.

George: You told him, right?

Kramer: Yeah.

Jerry: And?

Kramer: I told him it was the best vacation I’ve ever had.

George: Did you tell him he booked us on an LGBTQ cruise?

Kramer: Well…

Jerry: Kramer…

Kramer: He asked if I liked the deal. I said yes.

George: That’s it! Worlds are colliding… again!

Everyone starts arguing.

Elaine is happily holding hands with Sidra.

Frank and Estelle start bickering when Estelle suggests a threesome with the Maestro. Sid frowns.

Newman walks past carrying six desserts back to his cabin, smiling.

Puddy walks up beside Jerry.

Puddy: You coming?

Jerry: Well… you know how neat I am.

Jerry shrugs and starts walking away with Puddy.

Kramer strolls by, wearing a rainbow captain’s hat, happily exchanging phone numbers with half the passengers.

Jerry notices Kramer, stops, and turns around.

Jerry: You know… Kramer accidentally booked the wrong cruise, but somehow he’s the only one who got exactly the vacation he wanted.

Jerry looks at Kramer.

Jerry: “You’d do it again, wouldn’t you?”

Kramer smiles.

“In a heartbeat.”

Fade out.