My Stoic “Mea Culpa”: A Brazilian Christmas Tale

This past weekend, I completely flunked my Stoic philosophy practice. What can I say? I’m human, and self-improvement is—very much—a work in progress.

Truth be told, I shouldn’t even need those lessons anymore. After living in Brazil long enough, I should know by now that things rarely go according to plan. Actually, scratch that—they never go according to plan. But usually, that’s where the fun is. Usually.

This time, however, the universe decided to test my resolve in the worst possible way: through my stomach. I wasn’t just hungry; I was “dangerously hungry.” And as the saying goes, when it rains, it pours. Except in this case, it poured… nothing. Very little food. Which is practically a crime in Brazil, a land where abundance is the cultural norm.

The Breakdown of Marcus Aurelius

There I was, thrown completely off my game. Chaos was swirling, my stomach was growling, and “Christmas madness” was in full effect. Stoicism? Out the window. Philosophy? Replaced by primal survival instincts. I’ve realized that even Marcus Aurelius would’ve lost his cool if a Brazilian mall lunch was on the line.

The plan was simple: lunch at a local restaurant in the mall. Always a good idea—I love that mall, and the food never disappoints. But, of course, this is Brazil. Lunch was scheduled for noon, which in “Brazilian Time” means… sometime after noon. Naturally, we were late. Why? Because we went shopping first. Don’t ask me why—Brazilians just do. By the time we finally made it to the restaurant, we were the last ones to arrive. Well, somebody has to be the anchor, right?

The Portion-Size Paradox

I ordered a pasta dish. The waiter looked at my wife and said, “It’s a lot—enough for two.” So, we decided to split it between my son and me. Big mistake. Apparently, the waiter’s definition of “enough for two” and my definition of a “light snack” are galaxies apart. My lunch ended approximately one minute after it began.

Chaos, hunger, and mall madness—all colliding at once. It was the perfect moment to recall Marcus Aurelius: “Control what you can.” Unfortunately, the only thing I could control was the speed at which I realized I was still starving.

The Olympic Sport of Parting

By the time lunch finally ended, we had to endure the traditional “Brazilian Goodbyes.” In Brazil, leaving a room is practically an Olympic sport. First, you say goodbye inside the restaurant. Then, you say goodbye again outside the restaurant. There is hugging, kissing, and more hugging—even if you barely know half the people there. It’s a beautiful tradition, but when you’re “hangry,” it feels like a marathon with no finish line.

As we were finally leaving, I thought, “Fine, I’ll just eat something at home.” It was already 2:00 p.m., and at that point, I could have eaten my way through a fence. But fate had other plans.

Another twist: we went shopping. Again. And because it was the Christmas season, the mall was packed. To add to the chaos, we had to get the kids on the Christmas merry-go-round and weave our way through a full-blown parade of Christmas dancers.

The Lesson

I’ll admit, I was wrong. I was not the most cheerful passenger in the car afterward. My fault entirely. I should know better. I need to practice my Stoic lessons more because a little hunger shouldn’t have thrown me off my game so completely. Still, no excuses—there was no need to be “scratchy.” I had all the time in the world, and nowhere I absolutely needed to be.

So here it is: my mea culpa. Next time, I’ll try to remember that Marcus Aurelius probably wouldn’t have lost his cool over a merry-go-round… but then again, Marcus Aurelius never had to navigate a Brazilian mall in December on half a portion of pasta.

“Don’t forget—Living in Brazil: Volume 1 drops next week! There’s a lot to unpack, so I’m breaking it into a multi‑part series covering all things Brazil: everyday life, the environment, culture, food, and yes… your essential Futebol Survival Guide (because cheering for the wrong team could be hazardous to your health).”