Retirement Abroad: What Could Possibly Go Wrong?

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Nothing is perfect — not retirement, not Brazil, not even the fantasy version you imagine while still working. The first reality check hits your wallet. That steady paycheck? Gone. The bonus you used to count on? Gone. The company 401(k) match? A fond memory. Now it’s Social Security and whatever retirement savings you managed to squirrel away. And then there’s the social side — the coworkers you talked to, joked with, and saw every day for years. That daily rhythm disappears overnight, and it’s a bigger adjustment than people admit.

Trying to deal with Social Security or old work benefits from another country is its own special adventure. If you can’t get through on the phone or need to make long‑distance calls, well… good luck. And there’s always that tiny knot of anxiety wondering if the payment will actually show up on time each month. Did I mention that the call drops 30 minutes in, and you have to start over!

Brazil brings its own challenges. I know I can be a bit of a burden because I need help with things I used to do without thinking. The language is tough, and at my age, I’m realistic — I’ll learn some, but probably not enough to be fully independent. So I rely on my wife for things I always handled myself. I can’t grab an Uber or a cab because I can’t explain where I’m going, which could get… interesting. I can’t answer the phone. And anything beyond walking to my usual spots requires backup.

Then there are the daily oddities — the little things that make you stop and say, “Really?” Take the paper towels in the men’s restrooms. They basically turn into papier‑mâché the moment you touch them, so you end up pulling out half the dispenser just to dry your hands. It’s like a magic trick, except the only thing disappearing is your patience.

The sidewalks look beautiful — tree‑lined, charming — but they’re also a minefield of dips, holes, bumps, and surprise craters. When balance becomes an issue, navigating it feels like an Olympic event. And the elevators… for the love of everything holy, they take forever. I still can’t figure out the pattern, mostly because there isn’t one. You could eat a full meal while waiting for one to show up.

Space is another adjustment. Downsizing is fine — I don’t need much — but chairs in restaurants are smaller, aisles in stores are narrower, and sometimes only one person can pass at a time. Even at home, it can feel like doing the samba just to move around the living room.

So yes, there are things I miss about the U.S., not the stuff — the space. The room to move. The washer/dryer setup, too. Dryers aren’t common here, so laundry becomes a constant cycle: small washer loads, then hanging everything to dry, which takes up even more of your precious space. I miss TV. I mostly steam NetFlix and AppleTV, but I miss the news in English. However, I do watch the news here, and I can follow it ok. We did recently get this Vivo app that streams CNN in English, not the well-rounded news coverage I like, but it is mostly chaos in the US now so maybe that is not a negative.

Mostly, though, I hate having to rely on anyone. I was raised with the mindset of “just get it done,” and only ask for help if you absolutely have to. Now I have to ask. A lot. And I know that puts extra weight on my wife. She does so much, and maybe it goes unspoken sometimes, but it never goes unnoticed. I appreciate it more than I say — and I get it.

I won’t even get into the bathroom details — that deserves its own chapter and a far more delicate rhythm to fully appreciate. But as they say, the grass is greener on the other side… or, you know, it might just mean the septic system isn’t working. This will be next week as it requires a special delicate flair which I’m not good at, so we will see…..

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