Coffee with Kevin: Weekly Reflections on Life, Work, and Everything Else

The Hidden Cost of Living the Dream

Some people spend years looking forward to retirement. I know I did. After more than forty years in high-pressure, demanding jobs, I was ready for a different pace of life. Moving to Brazil was part of that dream, and I have never regretted the decision. I genuinely love living here.

But every dream comes with a trade-off.

If there is one invention I wish existed, it would be the transporter from Star Trek. “Beam me up, Scotty.” I would use it all the time.

My parents still live in the United States, as do two of my children. Somewhere along the way, I also became a grandfather, and that changes your perspective. You realize that time together becomes more valuable than almost anything else.

Since moving to Brazil, I’ve only made one trip back. My goal is to visit twice a year, staying five or six weeks each time. When I first thought about it, I focused on the distance. Then I started looking at it differently.

Ironically, during those two extended visits, I’ll probably spend more quality time with my kids than I did when I was living and working in the United States.

That sounds backwards, but it makes sense.

When I was working, life was a constant cycle of meetings, deadlines, commuting, and everyday responsibilities. My kids had jobs, families, and busy schedules of their own. Weeks, and sometimes a month, would go by with little more than a phone call or a text message. We all lived relatively close to one another; if you call 1+ hours close, yet life had a way of getting in the way.

Now, when I visit, we actually make time for each other. We plan dinners, spend weekends together, and simply enjoy being present. They still have jobs and responsibilities, so I find ways to fill my own days, but when we’re together, we’re truly together.

Knowing that doesn’t make the distance any easier.

It also makes me think about time in a different way. Right now, the flights are manageable, even if they are long. Traveling between Brazil and the United States means an overnight flight and nearly a full day of travel each way. It is exhausting. I can’t help but wonder how many years I’ll be willing or able to keep making those trips.

That’s the part of retiring abroad that people don’t always talk about.

They see the beaches, the sunshine, the slower pace of life, and they’re all wonderful. What they don’t see are birthdays you miss, family dinners that happen without you, grandchildren growing a little taller between visits, or parents getting older from thousands of miles away.

I wouldn’t trade the life I’ve built here in Brazil. It has given me experiences I never would have had if I had stayed where I was.

But loving one place doesn’t mean you stop loving another.

Sometimes the hardest part of living your dream is accepting that you can’t be in two places at once.

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