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Opening: The Gringo Coin Setup

There is more crypto out there than you can shake a dog’s tail at.

I am introducing my new product. I’m not sure why, but why not?

The Gringo Coin.

If Donald Trump can have a coin, why not me? The branding alone is worth millions. Every purchase comes with a free phone for your digital wallet. It is old, and it might work.

Imagine a guy selling coconut water on the beach in Rio and you try to pay with Gringo Coin. He’ll smile, shake his head, point at the Pix QR code, and probably give you a samba lesson while you’re figuring it out.

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Wait… Wasn’t Crypto Supposed to Replace Banks?

One thing has always confused me.

Bitcoin arrived promising a financial system without banks. Many banks dismissed it as fake, worthless, and something mainly used by criminals. Then they figured out how to regulate it, make money from it, and suddenly it became, “Look at our technology.”

Apparently, crypto was dangerous until someone figured out how to add fees to it.

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Blockchain: The Technology Everyone Suddenly Loves

Blockchain sounded like something invented after a group of accountants, computer scientists, and science fiction writers had too much coffee.

Somebody created a chain of digital records on a computer and called it a blockchain, the accounting system of the future. Maybe it is. I just know most people, including me, couldn’t explain how it works.

The old system worked just fine for most people, and hardly anybody actually uses blockchain directly in everyday life.

Banks then jumped in and liked the record system, maybe because they had to find a way to use it before it eliminated them.

The revolution arrived, and the first thing it did was apply for a job at a bank.

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The Digital Wallet Problem

That seems like a lot of responsibility for someone who still forgets where he left his reading glasses.

The average person thinks:

“I just wanted coffee, not a graduate degree in financial technology.”

Now I have blocks on a chain of crypto I own, bought with cash. Now I wish I had the cash. I need gas and food, and I have no idea how to use that crypto.

I need a password to get my crypto. I saw the ledger, but the lady at the gas station had no idea what I wanted to do with it.

Neither did I.

I have no gas, a bunch of crypto, and I’m still hungry.

I’m sure once I find somebody willing to take the crypto, it will be for something I don’t need.

I’m not even sure an iPhone 2 can scan a QR code.

I can’t remember my recovery phrase.

I don’t even remember why I bought crypto.

Has anyone seen my digital wallet? I think my blockchain is in there.

I have no idea what an exchange is, but I’m told what I bought with cash is now worth more than what I paid.

It is sitting in my digital wallet on an expired iPhone 2.

And I still can’t buy a coffee unless I have cash.

Huh?

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What Exactly Am I Buying?

Somebody said, “Buy Bitcoin,” or at least one of them, because the value is rising.

I have to give cash.

I like cash.

I exchange my cash for a mysterious electronic coin that I keep in an electronic wallet using an electronic accounting system called blockchain.

I guess this is the modern version of the electronic baby or the Chia Pet.

I have no idea who decides the value.

I have no idea how the value is applied.

I do not know why one type of coin is worth more than another.

And I still can’t find anybody who accepts it when I am hungry.

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The Irony

Crypto was supposed to eliminate banks.

Instead, banks looked at blockchain and said,

“We’ll take that part.”

Now the money that banks didn’t trust is being supported by banks using actual money.

I can only use cash at the store, yet I’m told I have a lot of value sitting in Bitcoin that is accepted in surprisingly few places where I actually shop.

How am I rich with something I cannot use?

Wasn’t this called fool’s gold back in the day?

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Ending

Until I can buy a coffee without needing three passwords, a QR code, a recovery phrase, and a YouTube tutorial…

I’ll stick with my debit card.

But if Gringo Coin ever reaches a billion-dollar valuation, everything I just wrote is subject to change.

Send me a Pix.

Send me a Zelle.

Better yet, meet me outside with a fistful of dollars.

Channel your inner Clint Eastwood.

Make my day.

I’ll hand you some freshly minted Gringo Crypto.

It is worth a fortune because I said so.