If You Could Give Your Younger Self Advice, What Would It Be?

This prompt is getting old. It seems WordPress is trying to find all the old farts looking back on their lives before we die, gathering up whatever wisdom we can share with the younger generation.

We should get together and combine our responses. We might have a bestseller on our hands. Maybe we’ll discover the next Zen master or the biggest idiot who ever walked the planet. Either way, all these responses have to add up to some classic comedy.

Maybe I’ll sell my life stories to Peterman. At least then I can make a few bucks off all the mistakes I’ve made. After all, if you’re going to spend a lifetime screwing things up, you might as well monetize the experience.

Daily Writing Prompt 23-Jun: What’s the best advice you’d give to someone younger than you?

Daily Prompt: A Letter To My Younger Self June 16

Daily Writing Prompt 14-Aug: If you had a time machine and could send just one message to your past self, what would it say?

Daily Writing Prompt 11-Aug: If your future self could send you one sentence, what do you hope it would say?

Listen, WordPress, I’m available to supply daily prompts. Here are a few you should consider.

• What is your favorite way to annoy people who are just trying to enjoy a quiet day?
  
• What’s the most embarrassing place you’ve ever gotten an itch, and what did you do about it?
  
• How many donuts can you eat in one day before your family stages an intervention?
  
• How many times have you pooped in one day, and at what point does it become a full-time job?
  
• Have you ever walked into a room, forgotten why you went in there, and decided it was probably time for a nap?
  
• If you could eliminate one person from your life without going to prison, who would it be?
  
• What’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever done that you were absolutely convinced was a good idea at the time?
  
• At what age did you start making noises every time you sat down or stood up, and why didn’t anyone warn you?
  
• If your life had a warning label, what would it say?
  
• How long could you survive without Google before confidently giving someone the wrong answer?
  

Come on, WordPress. These prompts practically write themselves. And unlike all those deep questions about life, love, and personal growth, mine might actually get people to tell the truth.

I’m available for consulting, preferably paid in cash, donuts, or a lifetime supply of toilet paper. At my age, you learn to negotiate for the things that really matter.

Which of these prompts would you answer, and what ridiculous question should I add to the list?