THE UPS HEIST: A Masterclass in Corporate Incompetence
Let’s talk about UPS—a company that has apparently pivoted from “logistics” to “high-stakes highway robbery.” My gripe today isn’t just a complaint; it’s a eulogy for professional integrity. We are dealing with a trifecta of failure: incompetence, blatant lying, and flat-out theft.
My wife dropped nearly $4,000.00 on Apple products to be delivered to our daughter’s home so I could retrieve them during a brief visit from Brazil. The “plan” was a delivery on February 24th. I spent that afternoon glued to the window like a gargoyle, watching the driveway.
At 2:00 pm, my wife texts: “The packages are there!” Narrator voice: They were not.
I ran outside. Nothing. We searched every square inch of the property. Zip. Nada. And that’s when the “fun” started.
The “Customer Service” Circus
Have you ever tried to reach a human at UPS? Their automated system is a digital circle of hell designed specifically to induce strokes. When I finally reached a “person,” she dared to tell me the package was signed for, and I shit you not, implied we were lying. Then, in a display of peak professionalism, she hung up on me.
Next up: A “Manager.” I use that term loosely, as the man likely couldn’t manage a lemonade stand. He promised a callback in 24 hours. Today is February 25th. Guess who hasn’t called? No bueno.
The Billion-Dollar Shrug
Then there’s Apple. Their response? A collective shrug and a “not our problem, talk to the thieves at UPS.”
I spent three hours today on the phone with a rotating cast of jackasses. They claim a “case is open,” but it takes eight days. I am back in Brazil in three days. I asked for the simplest things:
- A photo of the delivery? “Can’t do it.”
- The name of the mystery person who “signed” for it? “Don’t know.”
- GPS coordinates from the truck? “Impossible.”
Horse shit. Every truck has GPS. Every driver has a scanner. They know exactly where that driver was when he marked that $4,000 shipment as “delivered” before presumably tossing it into a ditch or his own trunk.
The Bottom Line
I am out $3,790.00 for the products, plus another $100.00 in international roaming fees, just to be insulted by UPS staff. Now, I have to go to an Apple Store, a place that aggravates me on my best day, and buy everything again.
Right now, I am fit to deliver a beating of biblical proportions. UPS didn’t just lose a package; they stole it, lied about it, and then charged me for the privilege of being screwed over.
UPS didn’t just “fail” to deliver. They’ve mastered the art of corporate-sanctioned theft.
I’m retired, I have nothing but time. I’m on a mission from god and I will become the biggest pain in the ass to UPS they have ever seen.
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