I decided to do some research on this because I have a BA in psychology, and I like to learn the why and how people do things, how they think, and how society works. What kept coming up was why people always ask whether you are happy or “Be happy”, or ” It could be worse” crap. We all say it, even me, but why? One thing that “prompted” my thought was the daily prompt: “Jot down the first thing that comes to mind.” Here is my post for that daily prompt. Below is what I used to expand on the Emotions are transient theme and why.

1. The Psychological Perspective: The Hedonic Treadmill

Psychologically, we are wired to stay consistent. Our brains are designed to return to a baseline level of emotional neutrality.

• The pursuit of happiness: This suggests that regardless of what happens to us (winning the lottery or losing a job), we eventually return to a stable “set point.” Evolution always brings us back to that set point balance.
• Fake positivity: The “Why aren’t you happy?” People are uncomfortable with negative feelings, so they default to positive ones to cope with the situation.
• Affect and Satisfaction: To distinguish between Affect (the fleeting feeling) and Life Satisfaction (the cognitive evaluation of your life). People often confuse the two; one is momentary and not how we feel always, that is impossible.

2. The Philosophical Perspective: Feeling Good and Living Well

Philosophy has wrestled with your exact frustration for millennia. The “rap” happiness usually comes from a linguistic blurring of two different concepts.

The Feeling

This is what we’re talking about: pleasure, comfort, and the absence of pain. External stimulus and spikes in feelings are not constant

The State of Being

Aristotle argued that true happiness isn’t a feeling at all, but an activity. It translates closer to “human flourishing.”

• In this view, you can be “happy” even while you are “sad” (experiencing a transient emotion). Everything is transient, and we have had moments where both feelings can be almost simultaneous.
• If you are grieving a loved one, you are sad, but if you are grieving well, honoring their memory and acting with virtue, Aristotle would say you are still on the path of flourishing.

Why does it get this “Constant” reputation?

There are a few cynical and a few empathetic reasons why society pushes “constant” happiness:

1. Consumerism: It is very easy to sell products to people who believe they are “broken” because they aren’t constantly happy. If happiness is a destination, you need a map, a car, and a snack for the road, all sold separately.
2. Social Lubricant: Happy people are easier to manage and interact with. “Why aren’t you happy?” is often a polite way of saying, “Your current emotional state is making this social interaction more complex than I planned for.”
3. The “Snapshot” Era: Social media curates the 1% of life that is happy, creating a statistical illusion that everyone else is living in a permanent state of joy.

“Happiness is like a butterfly; the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder.” — Henry David Thoreau

It’s much more helpful to view happiness as the by-product of a meaningful life, rather than the goal itself. When people ask, “Why aren’t you happy?”, they are usually asking the wrong question. A better one would be, “How is life?”

Given that we agree happiness is fleeting, do you think we would actually value it as much if it were a constant, baseline state?

So, back to the daily prompt, most of us are just going about life. We are living, reacting, and doing everyday things. We are not filled with a constant emotion. We are just doing, and many times there is nothing specific to say when asked, “What is the first thing that comes to mind?” Usually, nothing unless you think about it, and I bet if you were sad, it would be that, but I doubt the first thing is happy!