It has been four years, and we are ready. This is Grigo’s first World Cup in Brazil, but he has a pretty good idea what to expect just from watching the regular season games and the 20 or 30 championships every year. Here is the expected dialogue for the game.
To know a Brazilian is to love them, to watch Soccer (Futebol)with them, well, that is a life-altering experience, so here we go, the game has started, and the banter is underway
0:00 — Kickoff.
“Vamos, Brasil!”
(Let’s go, Brazil!)
0:08 — A bad pass.
“Porra!”
(Damn!)
0:12 — Another bad pass.
“Caralho!”
(For f**’s sake!*)
0:15 — The other team gets a corner.
“Puta que pariu!”
(Holy f**!*)
Tira tira tira
(Get it out)
0:18 — The defender clears it.
“Finalmente!”
(Finally!)
0:22 — He immediately gives the ball away.
“Que merda!”
(What the hell was that?!)
0:25 — The fan is now coaching from the couch.
“Tá maluco?”
(Are you crazy?)
0:28 — The announcer says everything is under control.
“Tá de sacanagem?”
(Are you kidding me?)
0:31 — Another misplaced pass.
“Burro!”
(Idiot!)
0:33 — A player tries a fancy move and loses the ball.
“Otário!”
(Moron!)
0:35 — The referee ignores a foul.
“Cala a boca, juiz!”
(Shut up, referee!)
0:38 — Replay shows it wasn’t actually a foul.
“Cala a boca, comentarista!”
(Shut up, commentator!)
0:40 — The striker misses the net by ten feet.
“Babaca!”
(Jerk!)
0:42 — The fan has now identified every problem with the national team.
“Trouxa!”
(Fool!)
“Mané!”
(Dummy!)
“Vacilão!”
(You messed up, idiot!)
“Comédia!”
(You’re a joke!)
0:46 — The other team almost scores.
“Vai se ferrar!”
(Go screw yourself!)
0:48 — The goalkeeper makes a miracle save.
“Eu sempre acreditei!”
(I always believed!)
0:50 — The same fan who spent fifty seconds insulting everyone is suddenly patriotic again.
“Meu irmão, esse goleiro é um herói!”
(Brother, this goalkeeper is a hero!)
0:53 — Another dangerous attack.
“Bundão! Marca ele!”
(Coward! Mark him!)
0:55 — The referee blows for a foul against Brazil.
“Vai tomar no cu!”
(F** off!*)
0:57 — The commentator agrees with the referee.
“Vai se foder!”
(Go f** yourself!*)
0:58 — Brazil survives.
The score is still 0–0. The world is ending.
The fan has already called half the team:
- Idiota (Idiot)
- Burro (Dumb)
- Otário (Sucker)
- Babaca (Jerk)
- Trouxa (Fool)
- Mané (Dummy)
- Vacilão (Idiot who screwed up)
- Comédia (Clown)
- Bundão (Coward)
and has used:
- Porra (Damn!)
- Caralho (F**!*)
- Que merda! (What the hell!)
- Puta que pariu! (Holy f**!*)
- Vai se ferrar! (Go screw yourself!)
- Vai tomar no cu! (F** off!*)
- Vai se foder! (Go f** yourself!*)
1:00 — One minute played.
The World Cup is officially underway.
The Brazilian family is emotionally exhausted and may not survive the remaining 89 minutes. The Gringo is loving the game, Calma, and pass the pao de queijo por favor 🇧🇷⚽
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