Today’s Daily Gripe: How was your meal
The “How Is Everything?” Drive-By: A Study in Premature Evaluation
Today’s daily gripe centers on a peculiar ritual of modern dining that drives me absolutely crazy. It happens every single time I go out to eat, and it’s executed with the mechanical predictability of a Swiss watch.
The server drops off my plate, pivots on a dime, disappears around the nearest corner for exactly four seconds, and then teleports back to my shoulder like a caffeinated 2-year-old to ask: “So, how is everything?”
How the hell should I know? I am currently in the middle of a delicate salt-and-pepper operation. My fork hasn’t even broken the surface tension of the steak. Unless I’ve developed the ability to taste through osmosis or a particularly intense spiritual connection with my steak, I have no data to provide you.
I’m not sure who pioneered this “immediate interrogation” technique, but let’s be clear: it’s not exactly atom-splitting intelligence. Wait ten minutes. Let me actually chew. Give me the chance to establish a relationship with my mashed potatoes before you demand a performance review. I have written many in my day, and at the moment, no raise for you. Trust me, if the chicken is rubber or the soup is cold enough to sustain a penguin colony, I’ll be the first to let you know.
I can only assume the endgame here is to turn the tables over with the speed of a 15-year-old and his porno mag. They want you to cram that food into your pie hole and clear out like cattle being herded through a chute. If I wanted the frantic, “eat-it-and-beat-it” energy of an all-you-can-eat trough, I would have gone to a buffet. Since I’m paying for a chair and a ceramic plate, maybe—just maybe—let me swallow before you start fishing for compliments.
At this rate of doing things, I’m going to follow Nana’s lead and start taking souvenirs.
Thanks for reading BeingKevin.
In a world built on scrolling past everything in seconds, I genuinely appreciate you stopping here for a moment. If the post gave you something to think about, made you laugh, or even made you disagree, I’d love to hear from you in the comments. A quick rating helps, too, and goes a long way toward supporting the site. And if you’d like to help keep BeingKevin going, a small tip is always appreciated — never expected, but deeply valued. Thanks again for being here
Leave a Reply