If you had to be an animal for a week, which one would you be and why?
I would be a cat. I’ve had both cats and dogs. I love dogs. They’re great, loyal, loving, and they actually miss you when you’re gone.
However, if I had to be one, I’d be a cat. They live longer. They run the house. They’ve somehow convinced everyone they’re a pet instead of a tiny furry dictator. They don’t have owners; they have unpaid live-in staff. They crap inside, and somehow that’s perfectly acceptable. They’ve convinced millions of people that cleaning their toilet every day is a privilege.
You can play with a dog. He runs, fetches, and listens. A cat couldn’t care less if you’re there. They may humor you and swat at a string, then walk away like you don’t matter, and somehow you feel bad. A cat will purposely not listen to you, look you in the eye, and still knock something off the counter.
They love it when you leave. They hide; their owners panic, looking for them, and the cat is probably sitting three feet away, watching the whole thing. A cat can knock your coffee off the table while maintaining eye contact, and somehow you end up apologizing for putting it there.
They have attitude, and if they don’t want to eat the food you bought, the stupid owner goes out and buys new food. Dogs spend their lives trying to earn your approval. Cats spend their lives wondering if you’ve earned theirs. They’re also the only animals who can look disappointed in you for buying the wrong brand of expensive food.
You come back from two weeks of vacation, and the dog practically has a seizure; he’s so happy. The cat? It doesn’t even come out. In fact, there are times it gets angry the staff was away and pukes on the carpet for no reason.
They are clean, very clean, and they lick themselves, and nobody complains. The minute a dog licks himself, and you know what he’s licking, everybody goes nuts. (Pun intended.)
I would love to be able to live my whole life with attitude, free room and board, and a staff of people who try as hard as possible, yet still feel bad when I ignore them. That is power!
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