I hope this isn’t TL;DR—because if it is, you’re probably not reading this anyway.
When did we all agree to stop using words? At what meeting did everyone decide, “You know what language needs? Fewer letters.”
IMO, texting now looks like encrypted spy traffic. IDK what half of you are saying. I need a decoder ring and clearance from the Pentagon just to confirm we’re still meeting for coffee.
BTW, BRB—TBH I have to use the toilet. That sentence used to take five seconds. Now it looks like I’m buffering mid-thought.
And “LOL”? Nobody is laughing. Stop it. That’s not laughter—that’s emotional punctuation. That’s you saying, “Please don’t think I’m serious.”
SMH? If you were actually shaking your head that much, you’d need a chiropractor on retainer.
ROTF? No, you’re not. At best, you leaned back slightly and considered it. At my age this means call the doctor.
NVM. JK. GTG. RN. NGL, OMW—this isn’t a conversation anymore, it’s Morse code with commitment issues. This now makes me want to give you the stink eye.
At this rate, we’re all going to disappear entirely. One day, it will just be a single letter.
“U?” And somehow that’ll mean “I’ve lost the will to communicate.”
I remember when we had one perfect phrase. Elegant. Efficient. Timeless.
GFY.
No confusion. No follow-up questions. No emojis needed.
Honestly? Shakespeare could’ve used that.
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