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Donald Trump likes to rename things. Apparently, if something has a foreign-sounding name, the obvious solution is to make it more American.

So, in the spirit of helping out, I have come up with a few additional renaming’s. Why stop with government buildings and monuments when we can fix the names of everyday things Americans have been using for generations?

1. Bologna → American Tube Steak

Bologna is German. We can’t have that.

From now on, that sliced mystery meat should proudly be called American Tube Steak. It sounds more patriotic, and somehow makes it seem like something you would order at a state fair.

2. Frankfurter → Trump American Beef Stick

The frankfurter has an obvious problem. The name sounds German.

So let’s fix it with Trump American Beef Stick.

It has everything you need: American, beef, and Trump’s name right there on the package. What could possibly go wrong?

3. Swiss Watch → The Great Trump Timepiece That Works

Swiss watches are obviously unacceptable under the new naming system.

They should now be called The Great Trump Timepiece That Works.

And if it happens to lose five minutes a day, that’s probably just fake news. The date is stuck in 1939

4. English Muffin → The Great American Round Bread

Why should England get credit for breakfast?

The English Muffin is now The Great American Round Bread.

It is round. It is bread. And most importantly, it is now American.

5. Mount Washington → Mount Melania

And finally, we need to deal with Mount Washington.

From now on, it shall be known as Mount Melania.

Enjoy her peaks and slide into her valley.

There. I think we have solved the foreign-name problem.

I’m sure there are plenty of other things around the United States that could use a little Americanization. But let’s start with the important stuff.

After all, if we’re going to rename things, we might as well start with bologna.