What are your favorite side-hustle ideas?
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What Are Your Favorite Side-Hustle Ideas?
You might think I charge some large fee for these services, considering my years of experience and obviously unmatched qualifications.
I don’t.
I’m a helper.
I offer these services completely free because apparently I have reached that stage of retirement where watching other people make bad decisions is entertainment.
Old Guy Therapist
Whatever your silly, nonsensical drivel is, I’ll give it to you straight.
No beating around the bush. No twenty-minute discussion about your feelings. And no, I’m probably not going to tell you that everything is going to be okay.
It’s probably your fault anyway.
You just haven’t admitted it yet.
I’ll listen to your problem, tell you exactly what I think, and then you can either take my advice or completely ignore it like you were planning to do anyway.
I’m not a licensed therapist, but I am old enough to have seen most of your mistakes before.
Relationship Consultant
This one is easy.
Just do what she wants, get it over with, and go get some coffee.
Let’s be honest, Timmy. She’s probably correct and you’re just too damn stupid to realize it.
You will argue. You will make your case. You will bring up something that happened three years ago that you think proves your point.
None of this matters.
Eventually, you will realize you are not going to win.
Nothing good will come from continuing the fight. You are completely unprepared, you’re probably a mama’s boy anyway, and you have somehow convinced yourself that logic is going to save you.
It won’t.
Do what she wants.
Go get coffee.
You’re welcome.
Food Influencer
Look, you’re already fat and lazy.
Take off the iWatch and go watch TV.
You look like a fat eggplant at the gym in that purple Dry-Fit shirt.
And let’s stop pretending you enjoy going to the gym.
You hate it.
You know it. I know it. The poor bastard on the treadmill next to you knows it.
Sitting on the recumbent bike while scrolling Instagram isn’t exactly the road to physical greatness. You can do the same thing on the couch without pretending you’re exercising, and you’ll probably be more comfortable.
Although sitting there long enough could give you hemorrhoids.
So there’s that.
Go home.
Eat something reasonable.
And for God’s sake, stop taking pictures of yourself at the gym.
Personal Companion
I can also be your companion.
As long as I’m not actually with you.
I’m here to help.
Need a wingman? Sure.
I’ll even give you a picture of me to carry around.
Just don’t actually expect me to show up.
I really don’t want to be there listening to your drivel while you try to impress somebody with a story about your fantasy football team.
Record it on WhatsApp and send it to me.
I’ll listen.
I’ll give you a thumbs-up.
Great for your morale.
And I don’t have to leave the house.
That’s what I call a win-win.
So That’s My Side Hustle
Most people start a side hustle because they want to make money.
I don’t.
I do it because I like helping people.
Well, technically, I like watching people suffer through problems that could have been avoided if they had simply listened to me in the first place.
And I get to be direct.
No corporate bullshit.
No motivational speeches.
No “let’s circle back.”
Just good old-fashioned advice from a retired guy who has absolutely no professional qualifications to do any of this.
But plenty of opinions.
And let’s be honest.
That’s never stopped anyone else.
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