Today’s Daily Gripe: The Self-Checkout Register

I hate these machines, and if you’re concerned about the rise of AI, you should be too. Every time I see a row of these glowing kiosks, I don’t see “convenience”—I see a cemetery for jobs. How many actual human paychecks did it take to install this plastic choir of “Unexpected Item in Bagging Area” screams?

I’ve reached my limit. I don’t use them anymore. Why? Because they are the only “efficiency” upgrade that actually makes life slower.

Every time I’ve tried one in the past, it failed. It wouldn’t scan the cookies, I mean, come on, they are Junior Mints, look to the cookie. Then, I’d have to stand there like a kid in the principal’s office, waiting for the “Checkout Guru” to come over and save me. But of course, they’re busy—they’re currently juggling five other “efficient” kiosks that have also decided to go on strike.

It’s a glitchy cycle: if the machine isn’t failing to scan, it’s erasing my entire progress and making me start over from the beginning. It’s like a digital version of Groundhog Day, but with less Bill Murray and more frustration.

My Proposed Solution: The “Glitch Penalty”

I’ve come up with a fair trade. We’re doing the labor, right? We’re the scanners, the baggers, and the IT support. So, here is my new rule:

If the machine fails and requires a human intervention, the “Guru” should have to bag my groceries for me—and then I get them for free.

Think about it. If stores were suddenly on the hook for the cost of their own “efficiency” failures, I bet they’d have real, breathing humans back behind those registers by the weekend.

Give me a cashier with a name tag and a pulse, or give me my eggs for free.

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