Everyone seems to have a perfect morning routine these days. Mine is considerably less complicated: coffee, email, a little reading, the gym, and trying to maintain some regularity.

What is it with all these eating plans, self-help hacks, life-changing routines, and morning rituals? Apparently, if you don’t have a carefully planned morning routine involving meditation, cold showers, journaling, supplements, and staring at the sunrise while contemplating your purpose in life, you are doing it wrong.

My routine is much simpler.

I spring out of bed like an energetic wildcat ready to attack the day. Sure.

I get up, pee, wash my face, grab my coffee, and sit down. I go through my email, check for anything new on the blog, and reply to comments. Basically, I wake up slowly and let caffeine convince me that I’m ready to participate in society.

Once the first cup of coffee is finished, it’s time for my morning constitutional. You can’t say enough about regularity. It’s one of those things you appreciate more as you get older.

Once that’s out of the way, I have a real spring in my step, and it’s time for cup number two. I’ll read for a bit, catch up on the news, and by around 9:30 or 10:00, I’m off to the gym.

That’s my normal routine.

Now for the twist.

If you’re reading this, I’m still in the United States visiting family. As I write this, I’m probably visiting my parents and trying to stay sane while my mother drives me crazy with a list of chores.

She watches The Golden Girls while my dad sits at the other end of the house watching Fox News, which I consider entertainment.

I’ll hear the television in the background and, every few minutes, my dad will provide his own running commentary and I will reply in fashion:

“Come on.”

“Lie.”

“Bullshit.”

Meanwhile, I’m trying to concentrate on whatever I’m doing while pretending I don’t hear any of it.

So there you have it. My morning routine.

Coffee. Email. Blog comments. Regularity. More coffee. News. The gym.

And, apparently, surviving a few weeks with my parents.

Maybe that’s the real morning routine nobody puts in those self-help articles.

What does your morning routine look like? Do you have a carefully planned routine, or are you more like me and just wing it with coffee and hope for the best? Let me know in the comments. I’d like to see how everyone else starts their day.